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Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Where Have I Been?

Funny, but I just realized it's been two years since I have posted to this blog.  I guess I'd been in a bit of a funk with a lot of in-law problems and wasn't feeling very cheerful about life.  I was in a very bad movie with even worse actors.
In a funny twist of fate, God decided to bless us with a beautiful little girl last July.  Now I'm a stay at home mom, at the ripe old age of 39.  With about 45 chickens, a ewe sheep, three large dogs, and a cat.
I waited a very long time to have a child.  We decided to just see if it would happen, and it did.   That was one of the best times of my life, especially after the bomb going off with the in-lords (husband coined that term).  Then guess what, more in-lords showed up, and I started my battle with postpartum depression.  There, I said it.
With all the new people around to take care of, the animals, a garden, home, breast feeding issues, I found myself just going deeper and deeper.  Your husband can't understand why you're not happy when he's taking care of you.  I'm not a fan of pharmaceuticals, but I had to get help.   I felt ashamed with my Bible belt upbringing I couldn't just pray it away, and try everything but what's going to start helping make it go away.
Some hard to face facts about having a baby I wasn't prepared for:

  1. Sleep deprivation
  2. Being at home all the time
  3. Loss of freedom
  4. Flabbiness and your family's ability to point it out after only 6 weeks of having the baby.
  5. Breastfeeding hurt like a mother!
I'm not trying to scare anyone, but they're a reality.  And all the reading I'd done couldn't prepare me for the fact all babies are individuals, they don't come with a book.  I wish some people would have prepared me a little, but they will tell you later they didn't want to scare you.
I guess I need to write these things down for myself, and maybe it will even help my daughter one day to know to speak up for herself.  I'm not very good at that.  Postpartum depression is a serious matter I wish wasn't happening to me.

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